La Nuit Blanche

I went to the opening of a gay-friendly milonga earlier tonight.

I went with the hopes that this milonga would have a great vibe… Other gay parties I’ve been to were amazing fun. But I guess there is not much of a gay community within the tango world… Very few people showed up. At the very least, I would have thought male followers and female leaders would show up, so they could dance without second-guessing the codigos. Straight dancers are totally welcome at this milonga… I just think everyone got intimidated, because they thought it was a gay-only thing. There were some same-sex couples, but many more man-woman pairings, and everyone asked to dance with everyone.

It was different from the traditional codigo and tango that I have grown to love. In a sense, the freedom felt liberating. The men didn’t assume I was a follower. A flat “No, thank you” to their invitations were taken fairly graciously. In a way, I felt as if this was as it should be. Whether it be at a traditional milonga, or a gay-friendly one, it is a woman’s prerogative to accept or decline dances without giving explanations, and she deserves to have her answer taken graciously. It’s sad that right now, in New York City, the tango community does not fully understand this, and women are always in fear of a man’s attitude ruining her night every time she declines a dance.

I, myself, am straight, but I was hoping to get some good tandas with women, or gay men. Sometimes, for straight women, it’s so nice just to be able to hang out with people with whom sexual tension is not an issue. If you are a woman, and young, and sort of half-pretty, then you become the recipient of all sorts of disgusting behavior… And at times, I just want to take a break from all the testosterone, if you know what I mean.

I half-suspect, though, that the real reason why people didn’t show up was because they didn’t want to be labelled as homosexual. And to be completely honest, the thought did cross my mind, too. There were photographers there. G. (a very sweet and funny woman I met there) and I were one of only two women couples on the floor during the first tanda, and I think we got our picture taken. If those pictures are published somewhere, I can imagine lots of people thinking I am gay. Which is just as well, because I am not looking to have any kind of relationship off the dancefloor. Maybe it will even keep some monsters at bay…

I got to dance with the DJ, and a couple other women, and the tandas were excellent. G. must be one of the most elegant leaders I have ever danced with, male or female. I felt absolutely gorgeous dancing with her. It was as if she danced for me, just for me, and her only concern was to make me look like Geraldine Rojas (yeah, fat chance, but still!). Embellishments were made up on the spot, and my feet fluttered joyously like butterflies, my body moved languidly like liquid gold. Amazing, what happens, when a leader, male or female, dances on the beat, listens to the melody, and is concerned about the follower’s balance and timing needed to round off and collect. I really think the best leaders are those who know the music, and know how to follow.

An interesting thing occurred while I was dancing with her: An older man with a big beer belly yelled out as we passed him:

“Yeah, maybe I’ll let you lead me next time! Get real…!”

WTF?? Um, hello?? Isn’t this milonga the one place where you shouldn’t be bothered by same-sex dances? This man’s ignorance and crudeness was just unbelieveable to me. If anyone sees an older Caucasian man in his 50s, about 5′11″, with a beer belly, glasses, fluffy graying sideburns, and (usually) a Hawaiian or Cowboy shirt, avoid him at all costs. Not only does he dance the Argentine tango as if it were the Polka, but he is one of the grossest men I have ever encountered. I was tempted to give him the finger as we passed him in the line of dance, but instead, closed my eyes and tried to reconnect with G. Unfortunately, the connection had been lost when the Aging Elvis had shouted at us. Hats off to mission accomplished, asshole.

I think I was still feeling a little fragile from Friday night, so I found myself declining all dance invitations from men. And, after encountering the Aging Elvis (who, incidentally, asked me for a dance after G. went home, telling me he “could do better than a woman”), all thoughts of accepting unknown male invitations vaporized into thin air.

On a positive note, the live orchestra was excellent, and the scheduled performances were superbe. An award-winning professional dancer I am acquainted with, Christian Baerens (he was a finalist at Blackpool, for those of you into International Latin), danced a Tango-Paso-Doble with his (female) partner, and it was one of the most beautiful, passionate shows I have ever seen. I couldn’t close my mouth, the combination was really brilliant. Also two men danced a Cha-Cha-Rhumba, and it was absolutely fantastic. I really wish there was a huge crowd to see these men dance… They should really be on stage.

I think I might go back next month. It’s getting too chilly for the South Street Seaport milonga, and Session 73 is located in a part of Manhattan that would put me in a straight-jacket. Plus, the floor at this studio is to die for.

And with that, ladies and gentlemen, goodnight.